


History, Like Gravity

by junko



Series: Senbonzakura's Song [8]
Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 19:30:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junko/pseuds/junko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji's inability to stay on his side of the bed causes some tension.</p>
            </blockquote>





	History, Like Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from a line in a song that says, "History, like gravity, holds you down, away from me."
> 
> Thanks to Josey (cestus) for her support and help, as always. Just because you're always there for me, Josey, doesn't mean I appreciate you any less!

“Renji, you’re breathing on me.”

The irritation in Byakuya’s voice woke Renji enough to realize the problem: he’d passed out with his face pressed into Byakuya’s collarbone. He was probably doing more than breathing hotly onto Byakuya’s skin, considering the little snort he made when he woke and the pool of drool he pulled his face from. 

In fact, the full weight of Renji’s body crushed up tightly against Byakuya’s side, one of Renji’s long arms sprawled over Byakuya’s stomach and Renji’s hand casually cupped the swell of Byakuya’s ass.

“Sorry, Taicho,” Renji said shifting back with a grunt, clumsy limbs clattering against legs and tangling in sheets. In an effort to make up for everything, Renji tried to wipe the drool from Byakuya’s neck, but he seemed to only manage to smear things around worse.

“Just… yes, thank you; that’s enough,” Byakuya said, shifting away from Renji’s awkward ministrations. “I’m fine.”

Renji rolled from their sweat-stuck bodies with a muscle-popping yawn. “Ah, I should get up away.”

“Get up?” Byakuya frowned as he readjusted the blankets with a yank. “And go where? Now that feeling is returning, you’re forgiven. Let me roll on my side. You can snuggle up to my back.”

That sounded nice, especially with the wind howling around the eaves. But, Renji continued to sit up and rub his eyes awake. “I got to go. Seichi is kind of expecting me back.”

Byakuya, who had been rolling over, turned back to give Renji a look. They’d fallen asleep without turning out the lights. In fact, Byakuya stretched out a hand to switch it off, so his expression was clear. He was unhappy. 

“’Kind of’ expecting you? That doesn’t sound definite at all. In which case, I should hope I take precedence. Why is he in your quarters? I thought he was staying with my gardener.”

Sitting up to lean against the headboard, Renji glanced down at Byakuya. “It’s just temporary. Remember, I told you, didn’t I? He… uh, freaked out about us.”

“Yes, you said that, but I assumed you were being your usual hyperbolic self. Are you saying he had some kind of mental breakdown?”

Scratching his neck under his ear, Renji said, “A little bit? Maybe?”

Letting out a little huff, Byakuya said, “Either he has or he hasn’t.”

“Well, I mean, he was pulling his hair out and rocking back and forth, but, I don’t know. The guy’s been through a lot. I guess I thought he just needed a little time to sort things out.”

Byakuya paused from adjusting his pillow. He rolled back over and lay on his back. He gave Renji a long look and finally said, “You should have taken him to the Fourth, Renji, if he was in such a bad way. But, I don’t understand. He pulled his hair out over the idea of you and I being lovers? Why?”

Glancing at the door, Renji fidgeted with the covers that Byakuya had flung in his direction. Hadn’t he explained this? Maybe not, because, the truth was, he barely understood himself. 

“I don’t even think he was really thinking about us, you know? Stuff clearly happened to him in prison. Bad stuff,” Renji glanced at Byakuya to see if he understood without having to say more. Byakuya lay with his hands clasped on his chest, his eyes doing that thing where they seemed closed so it was impossible for Renji to tell. “Anyway, the bruise on my neck didn’t help. I couldn’t convince him that I was into it. That there was a difference.”

“Ah,” was all Byakuya said, but Renji sensed a closing off, a shutting down. 

Renji’d said something wrong. He could tell that instantly. But, what had it been? “I did try,” Renji said, “You know I don’t feel that way, right?”

“It’s an understandable mistake your brother’s made,” Byakuya said, his voice flat and as empty as his expression. He hardly moved; in fact, he barely seemed to be breathing. “I’ve had trouble with that distinction myself.”

The alley. The library. The inn. They had names in his head like that, singular places. Renji knew he should probably say something supportive since at least Byakuya was admitting his part in all that mess, but Renji just nodded: “Yeah, you have.” 

There was an almost imperceptible wince from Byakuya that made Renji regret his quick agreement.

Renji sighed, “It don’t help that somehow rumors are circulating about the alley.”

That news seemed to snap Byakuya out of his self-recriminating mood. Sitting up, he focused on Renji’s face. His eyes scanned Renji’s features as if trying to puzzle out an answer there, “Rumors? How is that possible?”

“It was a public street, Byakuya,” Renji pointed out. “Anyone could have seen. I don’t remember being particularly quiet.” 

If anything, he’d been a bit hysterical having been forcibly separated from Zabimaru. 

Of all them, the alley was the time Renji tried to think about the least. Because it had been the first and the one that nearly broke him. 

Renji pushed thoughts and memories away. It was better not to go there. Especially not when Seichi was around, reminding Renji of that particularly awful day, the day they lost ---

“I suppose we should be grateful it was only a servant of our own,” Byakuya said, sitting back. Their shoulders touched lightly. Byakuya had abandoned his sleeping kimono, and his skin was hot and flushed where it rested against Renji’s. It seemed the idea of the alley being public knowledge bothered Byakuya as much as it did Renji. 

Still, it wasn’t as if Byakuya’s reputation was in any real danger. Everyone already knew he was ruthless and brooked no dissention in the ranks. A captain was allowed to discipline his subordinates any way he liked. If he wanted to sexually humiliate them and make them kiss his feet, it was all in the rule books as fine and dandy.

After all, this was how Kurotsuchi got away with the shit he did.

Fuck.

No wonder Seichi was a quivering heap.

“I’m surprised Eishiro allows such talk, however,” Byakuya was saying, as though to himself. 

“Eh, he probably doesn’t know,” Renji said, gratefully latching on to the subject of estate gossip. “Stuff like that scuttles through the lowest ranks—dishwashers, shit shovelers, and them like.”

“I see. Are you suggesting this has travelled throughout the Seireitei?”

He hadn’t been, but it seemed likely. It was damn juicy enough. Renji shrugged, “Maybe, maybe not.”

“Did your brother say who told him?” Byakuya asked. At the shake of Renji’s head, Byakuya commanded, “Get him to tell you.”

With a snort, Renji said, “Seichi’s no grass. If he were, I’d be in prison, wouldn’t I?”

Byakuya gave Renji an irritated look. “This is hardly the same sort of thing. Surely, you can see the value in obtaining this information.”

He couldn’t really. Gossip was best left alone. Let people think what they like, and act like you ain’t never heard a word of it. The instant you went after it, you gave it power over you. 

The alley.

The damn alley already had enough power.

Renji tossed off the covers. Scooping up his hakama from the floor, he went over to where his shitagi and kosode were hung over the Western-style chair by Byakuya’s dressing table. 

Renji’d have to practice. Because if someone came up to him and said, ‘Hey, Abarai, is it true Byakuya once made you crawl in the dirt and kiss his feet?’ Renji was sure they’d be able to see it in his face-- in the way his heart started to pound, the way sweat instantly prickled under his arms, and the way it was hard to catch his breath. 

“Renji?”

Renji was shouldering into his kosode when Byakuya’s voice broke his reverie. 

“Are you leaving?”

Was he? He’d gotten up without even really thinking about it. “Uh, I don’t know.” 

Pulling his fingers through his hair, Renji shook off this feeling. The alley hadn’t been this close to him in a long time. It must be all this talk of it, and that damn Quincy condom-thing of Urahara’s, bringing back ghosts of feeling separated from Zabimaru.

Renji was about to apologize and head back to bed, when Byakuya turned his face away and said, “I suppose you must check on your brother. Very well. At least ask him who he heard the rumor from.”

At Byakuya’s dismissive tone, something inside Renji snapped. 

“No, I won’t,” Renji said plainly. “Thing is, he’s my brother. I’m not using him like a spy. Second, what you going to do if you find out it was the dishwasher or your stable boy who’s been spreading gossip around, huh? At the very least, you’d fire them, right? Send ‘em packing, back to the Rukongai, maybe? I can’t be party to that.” With each word, Renji pulled the obi through its various spots and tied up his hakama. “I don’t care what they done; nobody deserves to go from a place like this to a place like that. Starvation is bad enough when you’re used to nothing; it’d be agony for someone who’s had all this.”

Byakuya’s lips were very thin. “Perhaps they should consider such things before they tell tales on their master.”

Renji felt like he’d been sucker punched. All the air came out of his lungs in a little huff. He grabbed Zabimaru and jammed the zanpakuto into place at his hip. “Right,” he said, when he finally found words. Sliding the door open with a push, Renji stopped for a moment and said over his shoulder, “You know what? I didn’t ask to get fucked in that alley. So it ain’t my problem if someone saw. I guess the ‘master’ needs to clean up his own goddamn mess.”

Walking out, Renji took great pleasure in slamming the door behind him.

Which evaporated the second the snow blasted him in the face and he had to spend a half-minute figuring out which snowy lump were his waraji and which were Byakuya’s. Not even bothering to put them on, Renji just held on to the sandals as he slipped and slid his way under the portico and down the stairs to the lieutenant’s quarters.

Cripes, it was a nasty night.

He should’ve just shut up about everything and taken Byakuya’s offer to spoon up. 

Renji wasn’t even sure why he’d gotten all prickly—nah, he knew. It was that stupid alley. If they never talked about it again, that would be fine with Renji.

Outside his own door at last, he rapped softly and said, “I’m coming in.”

Sliding the door open slowly, Renji expected to find Seichi passed out on the bed. Instead, Seichi was sitting up, tucked under Renji’s meager blankets. The manga were scattered all over the cot. There was another shinigami in the room, who turned and gave Renji a big, familiar smile.

“Rukia? What are you doing here?” Renji asked.

“Waiting for you, you big idiot,” she said. She stood up and opened her arms to give Renji a hug. After letting him go, Rukia looked at him with widening eyes and said, “Your hair is down! Have you been in a fight?”

_A fight or fucking_ , Renji thought. He tugged at a strand that had fallen in front of his eyes, “Yeah, sort of.”

“Shut the door,” Seichi said. “It’s freezing.”

After doing as Seichi asked, Renji found a spot for himself in the narrow room. After removing Zabimaru and setting him in his usual place, Renji plunked on the floor with his back against the wall opposite the cot. He started taking off his wet socks. To Rukia, he said, “You’re lucky I came home at all. How long were you planning on waiting for me?”

“Oh, I was just going to leave a message with Seichi, but we got to talking and I lost track of the time,” Rukia said, sitting on the end of Renji’s cot. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she rested her narrow chin on her knees.

Renji glanced at Seichi. What the fuck had they found to talk about? Rukia’s time in the Abarai gang didn’t overlap with Seichi’s at all, and it wasn’t like Inuzuri was the kind of place that engendered ‘good ol’ days’ nostalgia. Probably they swapped stories about him. In which case, it was time to change the subject, in a hurry. To Rukia, Renji said, “I suppose you’re anxious to go after Ichigo, huh?”

Rukia nodded, “How soon can you leave tomorrow? Captain Ukitake said we could use his senkaimon.”

After tossing his wet socks into the corner, Renji started twisting his hair into rough braid, “Ain’t that the senkaimon where Orihime got nabbed by the bad guys? No, thank you. I’d rather take the Kuchiki gate, myself.”

“But nii-sama—“

“Would totally go for it,” Renji reassured her. “Byakuya was pretty ticked about the way the Head Captain yanked everybody’s chain. Besides, he’s different, you know, after everything…” Renji trailed off with a glance at Seichi. Seichi was listening intently to their conversation, following the back and forth with a bob of his mess of blond dreads, like watching a ping-pong match.

Rukia seemed unconvinced, “Okay, if you think so. But you ask him. When do you think you can leave?”

“I don’t know,” Renji admitted. “I mean, with everything that happened with your cousin, I was kind of hoping to get to tag along on the rescue. But, since no one knows where they’re at--” Renji shrugged. “I can go any time, I suppose. I mean, I couldn’t schedule around my shifts ahead of time because, technically, I’ll be AWOL even though the captain is covering for me.”

Renji kind of hated it, going again so soon and just leaving on everyone like that. He felt like he’d hardly settled back into being lieutenant. Still, it wasn’t like anyone was going to be having a normal time of it, what with a war with Aizen on the horizon.

“Okay,” Rukia said. Having decided something, she stood up. “I’ll come at noon, after lunch. We can talk to nii-sama about the senkaimon then.”

Renji pulled himself to his feet. “Sounds like a plan,” he said, opening the door for her. “See you.”

“You don’t think Ichigo’s already gone and done something stupid, do you?” she asked.

“This is Ichigo we’re talking about. Of course he has!” Renji laughed. But, then, seeing her worried expression added, “Ah, but don’t worry about him. That kid leads some kind of charmed life.”

Rukia gave Renji her ‘I know what you’re trying to do’ smile and then headed out into the snow with a wave and a, “Goodnight, Renji. Nice to meet you, Seichi.” 

“Goodnight,” he Renji said as he closed the door. “It’s fucking freezing out there. I hope she’s only going up to the estate and not all the way back to the Thirteenth.”

“Is it weird?” Seichi asked, moving over to make room in the bed, “That she used to be one of us and now she’s one of them?”

Renji snorted a little laugh. “I’m kind of one of them now, too, you know.” 

Pulling his flowered robe from his footlocker, Renji started to get undressed. 

Seichi shifted a little on the cot, “I don’t mean shinigami, I mean one of them, a noble.”

Draping his wet clothes over the footlocker, Renji considered denying it. But, the truth was, it was hard sometimes. “Yeah,” he agreed with a sigh. “I guess so. The weirdest part was the first time I saw her after the adoption and she… I mean, she was always elegant, different from the rest of us, but all of a sudden she looked the part, talked the part. I knew right then she was completely out of reach. A princess. There I was rolling around in the mud in the Eleventh, and she—yeah, it was like I never knew her, like I could never know her ever again.”

“That’s not right, man,” Seichi said. “That Kuchiki took her from you.”

“She was never mine, you moron,” Renji said. Wadding up his shitagi, Renji threw it at Seichi’s head. “Rukia’s her own woman, always has been. You try getting in her way once her mind is set on something.”

“But you loved her,” Seichi said, tossing the undershirt back. 

“I still love her. Look, you got to understand: I loved her so much I let her go. It was one of the hardest things I ever did,” Renji sighed, as he shouldered into the ratty robe. “It was what she wanted. Plus, I thought it would keep her safe. I thought it would always keep her safe. Turns out, that was a bad bet. But, I didn’t know that then, did I?”

“Why was it a bad bet?” Seichi asked, as Renji crawled under the covers next to him.

Renji shook his head. This was another one of those things Renji preferred not to think about too hard. “Byakuya would have let her die. I thought… with all that power, all that family, and all that influence, I thought there was no greater protector for her. But, when she broke the law, he would have let her hang.”

“Cold,” Seichi said, automatically turning to spoon into Renji’s body.

“He did try, you know, the legal avenues. Probably if Aizen hadn’t been in charge of Central, he could’ve gotten her off. I mean, you’d think, right? Kuchiki: that’s a big name. I know he went to them. Tried his family, too. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him, we were bound by the same duty, the same law,” Renji said finally. “But I was ready to break it and that was the thing that brought us to blows. I’m just lucky there was a bigger plot or I’d be court martialed now.”

Renji reached over and turned out the light. They lay together in the darkness for a long time, not saying anything, listening to icy wind howl around the eaves. Seichi’s body was warm, but so small and frail against Renji’s. 

“I’m glad you came back,” Seichi said softly.

Wrapping his arms tightly around Seichi, Renji murmured, “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Everything,” Renji said. “I should’ve done for you what I did—what I _tried_ to do for Rukia.”

Renji could feel Seichi shaking his head. “Listen to yourself, man. You couldn’t save her, the way you are now? What chance did you have then?”

“I don’t know,” Renji grumbled. He really didn’t need hear Seichi agree he was too weak. “But, maybe I should’ve tried. You know, I talked everyone out of it. They wanted to; I said no. I… didn’t want to lose anyone else.”

Seichi said nothing for a while and Renji held his breath, expecting recriminations. Eventually, Seichi sighed and said, “At least someone thought of me. That means a lot.”

Well, it wasn’t exactly forgiveness, but it wasn’t blame either. Renji could live with it.


End file.
